I don't do drugs, I get the same effect just standing up fast.5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."6. I live in my own little world, it's OK, they know me here.7. I got a sweater for Christmas, I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal.9. I don't approve of political jokes, I've seen too many of them get elected.10. There are two sides to every divorce, his and the shithead bitch's - opps I mean witch's.11. I love being married, it's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.12. I am a nobody and nobody is perfect, therefore, I am perfect.13. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America???15. Having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.16. Why is it that most nudists are people you. She finally pronounced me done and let me look in the mirror. I lookedvery nice, a pretty dress, nice figure, cute face, but I still lookedlike a boy."Nice try mom," I said, "But my hair won't stay the way you fixed itlast night. Sorry."I started to get up but mom put her hand on my shoulder."Sit down young lady," she said. "You're not done yet."Mom picked up what appeared to be a long lock of hair (a "fall" shesaid) and put it against my head."Good thing we've got the same shade of hair."In just a few minutes she was done and then I got to see what I finallylooked like.Gone was the boy in the pretty dress and makeup. He had been replaced bya pretty girl with wavy, shoulder length hair and bangs. I was amazed,I looked a little bit older and I really looked cute!"Mom!" I yelled scared out of my wits at what I saw. "Look what you'vedone, I look like a girl!" Mom didn't seem to be in the least upset over my appearance; she wasbeaming with pride in her daughter."Well," mom asked, "do we.
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